@itchyturtle: I said "You're not the boss of me" to my boss and it came true.
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@McMcmadmac: We named our beautiful daughter after my mother. Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 22 this year!
@TheMichaelRock: I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn't punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
@KalvinMacleod: [pet store] COP: someone's been stealing puppies OWNER: OMG now I’m missing another one ME: who would do such a thing *shirt starts barking*
@E_lok44: If you eat a block of cheese and do a lunge, it should balance out, right? Actually, it was less lunge, more trip, but still.