@itchyturtle: I said "You're not the boss of me" to my boss and it came true.
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@dubstep4dads: if you watch the titanic backwards hundreds of disgusting sea zombies come together as a community and rebuild an old ship
@causticbob: I went for a job interview. The bloke asked, "Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs time?" "Same as now - in photos and mirrors," I replied
@GoldenSpirals: Confuse the cable guy when he finally shows up at your house by telling him he'll have to wait outside until your favorite TV show is over.
@Maxine12333: If you're feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.