@novicefather: I save an average of $5 per tank of gas by filling up at Costco. I'll have enough saved to buy a house in about 1,200 years.
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@JediGigi: Interviewer: Your resume only has "Mad" under "Skills" Me: Yeah boyee Interviewer: *tears up* You're just what we need. Welcome to Subway.
@jctwritesstuff: *hears Siren's song* *eyes glaze* *walks in a trance ten miles* *breaks window to donut shop* I'm here, Mistress. *eats everything* *dies*
@DaddyJew: 6: can u get me a drink? Me: no, you're 6yo. You can get your own drink 6: fine *goes to fridge Me: while ur there can u grab me a beer?
@stevevsninjas: Current anger level: I am last-beer-in-the-fridge-turns-out-to-be-a-soy-sauce-bottle angry.