@novicefather: I save an average of $5 per tank of gas by filling up at Costco. I'll have enough saved to buy a house in about 1,200 years.
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@jonnysun: a bird doesnt sing becuase it has an answer. it sings becuase birds are jerks who like to hear the sound of their own voice
@onion_an: Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please Waitress [slaps my face]: The men I please, that's none of your business
@twylaredsun: Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it's not doing its job