@RickAaron: I saved $38 by moving the fish tank in front of the TV during "Ellen" and telling my kids it was Finding Dory.
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@Sassafrantz: Pretended to add my number into this obnoxious guy's phone. All I did was edit his mom's contact. Hope she likes dick pics and booty calls.
@simoncholland: Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?
@ddsmidt: The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way.