@RickAaron: I saved $38 by moving the fish tank in front of the TV during "Ellen" and telling my kids it was Finding Dory.
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@jonnysun: date: so wat do u wana do next me: why dont we slip into somthing more…convertible [climbs into ferrari] date: omg wow is this ur car me: no
@_coryrichardson: coach: sorry you’re off the team. we have to cut you because- me: *pulling out a sword* try to cut me, i dare you. i’ll block it easily coach: because you keep bringing a sword to practice
@SaveItForFest: STOP HONKING! IF I DRIVE ANY FASTER THE TINY LIZARD THAT HITCHED A RIDE ON MY HOOD IS GONNA FALL TO HIS DEATH. HAVE SOME COMPASSION, PEOPLE.
@ShortSleeveSuit: BOSS: in my office, we need to have a chat ME: ok *sits down and crosses legs* BOSS: why did you just cross my legs?