@delusions_of: I saw a baby crying and gave it my cable bill cuz no reason we should both be sad.
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@envydatropic: Someone told me that Jaws isn't even a real shark and that he doesn't live in lakes. That's the craziest talk I've ever heard.
@LackOfShame: If you like buying other people food and bribing them to eat it, then having kids might be for you.
@LilFlaOrange30: That moment when you're driving and tweeting and you look up and notice you're in the Atlantic Ocean.