@dlockw21: I saw a bald eagle carry away a bunny rabbit today, and I was like, "well, at least somebody gets to be held."
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@thefosterer: If I ever lose my girlfriend in the mall I just start checking other girls out and bam there she is yelling at me
@Jay_FrickinLynn: I accidently opened the fitness app and my phone immediately called to report itself stolen.
@AaronNevins: You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.