@realHamOnWry: I saw a bear squat, take a dump then just walk away. So I'm calling bullshit on those Charmin bears.
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@Henry_3k: You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you'll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to "sit".
@timdonakowski: Someone needs to break it to my cat that she is not a security guard and my bathroom is not a VIP section.
@Lisa_Laughs_: He said there was no spark between us, so I tazed him. I'll ask again when he wakes up.
@JediGigi: [he picks me up on 1st date] Him: What do you have there? Me: [struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down] Ham.