@donquixote229: I saw a car with a flat tire so I offered to help. She tells me to hurry cause she has a hair appoinment..This is how serial killers r born
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@VerbsRProudest: NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIDE DISH I'M BRINGING BUT I'M ANNOYED SO IT WILL BE SOMETHING MASHED
@iwearaonesie: *walks by HR door for 11th time to see if she's not there so I can take some candy off her desk* HR: Do you need something Josh? me: Nope
@thestlouisan: [Texting] WIFE: Will you get coffee and a bagel for 6? ME: He's too young for coffee W: Coffee's for me M: Where's the comma? W: M: Hello?