@donquixote229: I saw a car with a flat tire so I offered to help. She tells me to hurry cause she has a hair appoinment..This is how serial killers r born
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@That_Damn_Duck: Lovey dovey couples look best when viewed through the scope of a high powered rifle.
@AsphaltFarmboy: My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library. I said "WTF man, it's 2015. You can use whatever printer you want."
@Goofpoops: In case you were wondering, Taco Bell offers free wi-fi. Don't bother asking for the password, because it's totally "Cornhole Explosion".
@Donna_McCoy: You don't hear much about Snow White's eighth dwarf, but they should never have trusted Clumsy with an axe.