@FattMernandez: I saw a car with "Wash Me" written on it, so I set it on fire. I'll be damned if I'm going to allow cars to become sentient!
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@Mr_Kapowski: Why does the airport entice me and call it a baggage carousel if I'm not allowed to ride on it?
@TheToddWilliams: Wife: I'm glad you're watching TLC and looking to improve yourself. So who are your new friends? Husband: These would be your Sister Wives
@crazytraci72: "Who am I?" she beckoned the stars. Stars: We've gone over this a million times. You are a geisha caveman.