@iAmDelFreaky: I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn't even lift him. We high-fived & laughed.
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@HeyitsLori: A guy laughed at me because I only have a 19" TV. I suggested we not laugh about how many inches things are. That shut him up.
@DanKCharnley: [1st day as undercover cop] *approaches drugdealer* Me: "Yes hello I'd like to purchase one crack and two marijuanas please!" *gets stabbed*
@gm_cage: I bought theater food once. Long story short my son will no longer be going to college..