@Reverend_Scott: I saw a guy with antlers on his car, so I shot it.
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@Brampersandon_: ME: *eating fast food* VEGAN GUY: You eat that stuff? ME: Yeah VG: That stuff is gonna kill you ME: *visibly annoyed* not soon enough
@Supafunkadunka: Women my age expect a man to have his shit together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
@AnkCoupleTO: [doing crossword] Me: I'm looking for a word that means slight pause Her: Hiatus? Me: *erasing 'our sex life'* thanks