@Reverend_Scott: I saw a guy with antlers on his car, so I shot it.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Brother: *calls* Can you pick me up at the airport tomorrow? Me: Sure. Can't wait to see you. Him: I land at 5 AM. Me: I have no brother.
@ChipKellysBalls: If you look in the mirror & say "pumpkin spice latte" 3x a white suburban girl will appear & tell you everything she loves about the fall
@Deirdreocx: [Courtroom] Judge: Have you been up before me? Convict: I don't know, Judge. What time were you up this morning?