@MelvinofYork: I saw a lady at work today doing “breathing exercises” and realized for the first time how lucky I was that breathing came naturally to me.
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@ChaseMit: "I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In" is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner.
@david8hughes: Wife: morning Me: good morning Wife: my parents are coming over for dinner tonight Me [pouring bleach in my coffee]: uh huh that's great
@NourHadidi: "Sleep is for the dead". Yeah cos you look so alive when you're yawning. #stupidsayings
@shegotagronk: Pretty cool that there's no law saying you can't name your kid Squidward if you want.