@MelvinofYork: I saw a lady at work today doing “breathing exercises” and realized for the first time how lucky I was that breathing came naturally to me.
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@nPhelendriqal: A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
@lemonmartinis: 9yr old poured milk on the cat. When I asked why he said "He's thirsty and likes to lick himself." I couldn't argue with that.