@MelvinofYork: I saw a lady at work today doing “breathing exercises” and realized for the first time how lucky I was that breathing came naturally to me.
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@ericsshadow: "You could have done so much better than him." Me: Mom, I'm right here.
@Fred_Delicious: Han Solo had a much cooler older brother called Drum
@JimmerThatisAll: We can put a man on the moon but we can't reference any other achievements?
@kyle_thatisall: My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
@AaronEves: "Who am I talking to, Ouija Board™?" *S-A-T-A-N* "Satan, do any boys in my class like me?"
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