@SincerelyMen: I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.
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@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: I could care less! Me: How much less could you care? Coworker: I don't get it. Me: I noticed.
@UNTRESOR: Skrillex! It's your cousin Marvin. Marvin Skrillex! Know that sound you've been looking for? I think I found it! *holds phone up to blender*
@buhsbaby_baby: If you think my laughter is infectious, you should try having unprotected sex with me.