@lovemyboots111: I saw a smart car get hit with a snow ball today, yep, it was totalled!
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@myles_morrison: Any girl who says she's not the jealous type will change her tune when another girl phones you drunk at 3am.
@JasonLastname: If you ever see a ghost DO NOT put a sheet over your head and make noises. They find it offensive.
@mommy_cusses: *Me, getting my arm bitten off during a zombie apocalypse* 5: *crying* Me: It's okay, son. 5: You said you were gonna get me a snack.