@avaricious1: I saw a spider in my bedroom so I did what any man would do... I got in an argument with my wife so I could sleep on the couch.
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@dumbbeezie: Fun fact: they used acronyms back in colonial times too but DOS meant Dead of Smallpox and LMFAO meant Lost My Farm and Outbuildings
@VeganZebra: WIFE: no no no I loved your vows I just thought you could've used the word 'bloodthirsty' a little less
@OfficeLinebcker: A: Just had to explain the difference between "mute" and "moot" to a younger co-worker. Q: Why am I drinking out of a flask at work?