@KurtBusiek: I saw a tweet saying liberals should create their own Captain America. They did. In 1940.
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@Shingaboop: Coworker: GOOD MORNING! Me: Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee Coworker: But you don't drink coffee Me: Exactly
@T_N_Crumpets: Judge: how do you plead? Me: [looks at lawyer] Lawyer: [mouths "not guilty"] Me: hot milky L: *bangs head on desk* FFS just lock him up
@gothicaseas: Always a bridesmaid, never the voice that mysteriously bleeds from the corner of your bedroom wall.