@KurtBusiek: I saw a tweet saying liberals should create their own Captain America. They did. In 1940.
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@Kali_Mura: Cop: So, I’m writing a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane. Me: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: [Giving a toast] "It was when I was entering blackout that I realized I forgot the Plan B at home. Happy 1st birthday, you little accident."
@TheToddWilliams: [interrogation] COP: So you play the tuba do ya? "No, the violin" COP: Treble maker eh?