@KurtBusiek: I saw a tweet saying liberals should create their own Captain America. They did. In 1940.
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@xnoahanthonyx: Can you describe the man who did this *me crying* "he was a meanie head" No describe his face, sir *clenches fist* "He had a stupid face"
@EtobicokeErnie: Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
@NotthatAdamWest: If you hold the door open for me when I'm more than ten feet away, you aren't doing me a favor. You're making me exercise.
@tastefactory: Assistant: Uh sir? Your personalized jean jacket is very cool but it looks like the store screwed up. It says STAN on the back. Satan: WHAT