@Jake_Vig: I saw a woman really screaming at her kids in public this morning, but in her defense, the kids were ugly.
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@Iwriteforcats: The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
@Sarcasticsapien: Beauty and the Beast is an introvert's worst nightmare. You stay home alone miles from people and then the damn dishes start talking to you.
@davidschneider: I hope God rethinks his decision to allow an intern to run celebrity deaths in 2016.
@nbadag: WIFE: please come out of there so we can talk ME: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where? WIFE: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft