@Jake_Vig: I saw a woman really screaming at her kids in public this morning, but in her defense, the kids were ugly.
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@dafloydsta: Now that Christmas is over, don't forget to be thankful for all the children in China who made your kid's toys.
@WowYoureFunny: If the doorbell rings, its normal to drop, shimmy across the floor, press your body to the wall & not breath till the person is gone, right?
@TheSeanBrewster: I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought "oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"
@Uniquicorn: *Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear