@jtswhipped: I saw a woman with a lower back tattoo that said "Classy" and my brain leaked out of my ear.
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@SirEvisiae: *breaks into museum* *sprays fine mist to show alarm lasers* *plays a sweet jam on boombox* *krumps right into each beam*
@TheMichaelRock: HR: Did you tell Brenda she was stupid? Me: Oh god no! I said she is stupid. HR... Me: There's no past tense with that one.
@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: I'm just gonna nap for an hour then
@brianbowman73: There's a doctor here to see you. Doctor who? No, I think it's a non time traveling one.