@causticbob: I saw an Indian asleep on the train, noticed the little red dot on his forehead, and thought, "Is he on standby?"
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@SteveSuckington: Good call inventor of glass tables. There's nothing more appetizing than realizing Aunt Mildred doesn't wear panties while I'm trying to eat
@Cali_Kid_Mike: Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means "Doing the Facebook". Her daily posts are much more entertaining now.