@thenatewolf: I saw an old couple sharing a newspaper and was like "oh wow maybe marriage is cool" and then the lady said "STOP BREATHING ON ME"
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@rickolantern: I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
@Fred_Delicious: "my dad works at Nintendo" "No he doesn't ur such a liar" *Donkey Kong walks in & takes off his hat & coat* "Hey sport, good day at school?"
@SaveItForFest: You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.