@thenatewolf: I saw an old couple sharing a newspaper and was like "oh wow maybe marriage is cool" and then the lady said "STOP BREATHING ON ME"
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@lenigs17: If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn't mean I'm stalking you...It just means you haven't looked nice in awhile
@GalaxyKate: Academic paper protip: end your Conclusion section with "just as the old woman in the forest predicted" or "in defiance of the prophecies"
@mommy_cusses: Me: Whatcha doin'? 5: Whatcha doin'? Me: Are you copying me? 5: Are you copying me? Me: I'm adopted 5: I'm adop- WHAT?