@leechee420: I saw my friend's kids at Walmart and they told me they were lost and I was like "good luck guys" and walked away. I'd be a great mother.
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@rockymomax: SURGEON (who is an octopus): scalpel NURSE: [sweating trying to figure out what arm to hand it to] yup one second
@WheelTod: Remember kids -- it may be illegal to text and drive; but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50mph.
@Brampersandon_: How did the date go? -Not good. Aww what went wrong? -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type.
@TheCatWhisprer: Dr: I'm giving u a proton-pump inhibitor Me: LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER? D: No for acid reflu *sees tears welling in my eyes* yes for busting ghosts