@TYLER_CMC: I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces down by the pond today
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@TheCatWhisprer: Dr: I'm giving u a proton-pump inhibitor Me: LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER? D: No for acid reflu *sees tears welling in my eyes* yes for busting ghosts
@TheMichaelRock: [at interview] Her: In three words or less, tell me why we should hire you. Me: I'm good with numbers.
@Just_Lee_: If she says "well you're too busy to chat so have a good day" ..what she means is she hopes it's a good day for your hair to catch on fire.
@hamspamtymaam: Never reach into a girl's purse. Anything could be inside, a bear could be in there. You just don't know.