@bbseaside: I saw something yesterday that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it.
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@_Bankrobber_: FUN GAME: when someone tells you the name of their new baby, repeat it back to them, with their surname, and say "Like the murderer?!"
@DamonHunzeker: If a lion ever bites off your arm, try to chew some of his hair off before you run away. He deserves to look stupid until it grows back.
@TheRealNickKay: WIFE: I can't believe you ruined my birthday yesterday ME: What a load of bollocks, Karen. I didn't even know it was your birthday
@badteacher4u: I tried playing hide-n-seek with my friends newborn and now I'm not allowed back inside that hospital :(