@bitterlittleman: i saw this and everything about it annoyed me so i'm posting it in hopes that it annoys you too
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@TheBoydP: Not to brag but I'm never late for work without a good reason. For example this week my boss is on vacation...
@SortaBad: *Spends 30 min practicing Starbucks order in mirror* *Feels confident* *"Hi I'd like a grander ahoy Ralph Macchioatto lateenbay"* *dammit*
@topaz_kell: The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation.
@psybermonkey: [heist] Me: *presses stethoscope against bank safe Thief: well? Me: omg... [cut to safe being pushed rapidly down hospital corridor]