@bitterlittleman: i saw this and everything about it annoyed me so i'm posting it in hopes that it annoys you too
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@Mr_Kapowski: [restaurant] Man *proposing to his gf*: "Will you make me the happiest man alive?" [me, alone, eating nachos a table over] "Not possible"
@sixfootcandy: My waxer just told me a hilarious story about ripping out a client's tampon during a bikini wax. I guess she doesn't remember me.
@Phook75: Whenever my neighbor looks like they want to speak to me. I collapse to the ground motionless as if I were one of Andy's toys.
@drxubair: I dream to live in a world where I can politely get out of plans by saying, "I'm so sorry, but I just remembered I don't want to"