@Cheeseboy22: I saw this heartwarming video of baby bears climbing out of a dumpster and thought, "Who would throw away a perfectly good baby bear?"
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@QwertyJones3: *aliens return to ship* ALIEN LEADER: Where are the humans? "We left them" AL: Why? "They didn't look anything like their selfies in rl"
@juliussharpe: People with Bluetooth headsets always look like the least important people you could possibly call.
@Backthat_sid: Co-worker - Diet coke causes cancer. Me - My grandfather died at 102. CW- He used to drink diet coke? Me - No, he minded his own business.