@Cheeseboy22: I saw this heartwarming video of baby bears climbing out of a dumpster and thought, "Who would throw away a perfectly good baby bear?"
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@JohnLyonTweets: Dad was probably bluffing when he said he'd turn the car around after driving 198 miles of a 200 mile trip but WE COULDN'T TAKE THAT CHANCE.
@Rhythms_n_Booze: HR: You know why we called you down? Me:Hm. Promotion? HR: You know we monitor internet usage right? Me: I'd like to reporting a hacking.
@ShotOfBull: I found a message in a bottle. It said: "The girl at the end of the bar is a lot hotter than she was 2 hours ago."