@towelforacape: I say 'tomato', you say 'put your hands where I can see them and exit the vehicle slowly' .
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@B0niferd: My swimsuit told me to go to the gym today but my sweatpants were like nah girl you're good.
@dave_cactus: [at Red Lobster] WAITRESSES: *run toward me* ME: Red Lobster! WAITRESSES: *stop* ME: Green Lobster! WAITRESSES: *run* MANAGER: Okay, SIR...
@Cheeseboy22: The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
@2tonbug: Kraft recalled 96,000 pounds of cheese-filled hot dogs. I recall 96,000 pounds of cheese-filled hot dogs too. That was one wild summer.