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@PercySleeves: I scaled Everest! And I give nicknames to fish.
@Jacob_Swift16: A cop just told me that i have way too many buddha statues for there to not be drugs in the house
@themorris23: 20/__ -- Cyclops with perfect vision
@KalvinMacleod: GENIE: you have three wishes.
ME: sweet, I wish for pie.
GENIE: okay, whatever, you have 3.14 wishes.
@BerrryDLite: Coworker: My arms are killing me from hoeing in my garden this weekend.
Me: Thanks but I'd rather not hear about your sex life.
@Pabloayodeji: Nobody is normal on twitter Nigeria 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂