@gavinpivott: I scratch your back, you scratch mine. We die from loss of blood.
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@SocialustGal13: News is reporting a nun just had a baby. It's official, a nun is getting more action than me.
@Pirate_nurse: I am meeting my twitter crush in a few days and I have officially added "Please let me wind up in a trunk and not a freezer" In my prayers
@TheCatWhisprer: ME [as a kid]: i won't be a grumpy old man ME [now]: *gets mad at a car for being orange*