@weinerdog4life: I scream, you scream, we all scream, while I'm crawling under the bathroom stall to say hi to you.
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@shariv67: "Your honor, my client is absolutely not a flight risk."n"What makes you so sure?"n"He is a penguin."
@DaddyJew: *something breaks Me: hand me my tools 7: call someone for help Me: no 7 already on the phone: mom, he's trying to fix stuff again
@senderblock23: Probably karma that Will Smith made a song about parents not understanding and then had a son who literally no one understands.
@toastymoe: Some people should be forced to carry a plant around with them, to replace the oxygen they waste.