@MillieMars: I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
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@Carbosly: This guy at my work is giving his wife a gym membership for Christmas. His name was John.
@UncleDuke1969: Son: Dad, is cousin Billy a mosquito? Me: In Alabama? S: Yeah. M: Of course not. Why do you ask? S: Mom said he was the product of insects.
@Douchekevin: Girlfriend told me she wants me to pull her hair , but apparently not while she's driving. Girls are weird.
@dafloydsta: [job interview] Says here you're good with nicknames? "I don't wanna brag Super Cool Interviewer Man" *under his breath* holy shit he's good