@stockejock: I scream,
We all scream
Because grandpa fell asleep at the wheel again.
@sock_holliday: The person that invented toilet paper is easily the most under-appreciated hero in human history
@Momtoteens: Daughter just told me my hair looks good. The request for a ride will be coming in less than 10 minutes.
@INDlAN_: Dad- I want you to have everything in this world that your heart desires.
*Can I have oreos?*
@LeahsLounge: If you love something, set it free...
Except if 'It' is a man.
Because he'll get lost,
and won't ask for directions.
@Adar79Angie: I sat down beside this guy in a diner, every time he went to take a bite of his sandwich I'd say nomnomnom. He left. Making friends is hard.