@LnL245: I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can't figure out why she's crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car
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@pleatedjeans: I should've never taught my parrot to say the alphabet backwards now he drives drunk all the time the cops can't do shit it's a real problem
@Cali_Kid_Mike: I'm not into anything "weird", but this vacuum at Target looks like a total VILF.
@kendragaylord: How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
@Death_Buddy: [spider's junk email folder] -TURN YOUR WEBS INTO $$$$ -HOT SPIDERS ON YOUR CEILING WANT TO MEET YOU -TRY THE ULTIMATE 8 LEG DIET TODAY