@rickygervais: I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.
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@UncleDuke1969: “Your keys are over THERE.” - Wow. You have eagle eyes! “Yup. My vision is 20/20.” - No. I mean they’re small, beady & kinda close together.
@Travon: Flight attendant: "will you perform exit row duties in the event of an emergency?" Me: "yes" In my head: "No we're all gonna die"
@WheelTod: Cement your reputation as the office Romeo by committing suicide over an underage girl you've been seeing for less than a week.
@Real_Countress: Let me be clear, I chase no one!!! *5 min later. Chasing the ice cream truck down the street