@HeyJennyLeone: I see that your IQ test came back negative.
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@jonnysun: im more than just a birth year and a death year so my tombstone will instead be engraved with a handful of random years i remember enjoying
@WilliamAder: They found Richard III's skeleton in a parking lot. Time stamp on the ticket stub indicates he owes $8,432,773.
@bjaynash: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
@KeetPotato: cop: [making list of animals that escaped] zookeeper: "the tigers should be your top priority" cop: [scribbling out ducks] "obviously"