@dulcetry: I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it's cold" could you tell me more about that
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@TheToddWilliams: [blind date] HER: I filled up on nuts ME: I guess you bit off more than you... cashew HER: Gesundheit ME: I think I love you
@TheTweetOfGod: I believe meat is murder, vegetables are burglary, bread is mail fraud and dairy is impersonating a police officer.
@bencoffeehall: My report card always said I was not living up to my full potential. Well, the joke's on them. That really was as good as I was going to get