@ShoutingGoddess: I see your choices and raise you one eyebrow.
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@notacroc: WIFE: get down here! ME: *from telephone wire* I'm with my friends WIFE: why are u wearing fake wings? ME: *to bird next to me* they're real
@LizHackett: I want my house to be tidy enough so that if someone drops by unexpectedly it doesn't look like we're six days into battling a poltergeist.
@UnFitz: It's called "personal grooming" as though we might get confused and groom a total stranger.