@BillMc7: I see your point. You're right. My timing could have been much better. I'm sorry I proposed to you at your father's funeral.
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@better_off_dad: *at divorce court Me: She hasn't touched Mr. Peppy in 10 years, your Honor. Judge: I'm sorry - What?? Her: I win, right?
@turtledumplin: My oldest son & his gf were cooking & asked me how many 1/4 cups are in 1 cup .... Gonna write a nasty letter 2 college & ask for a refund
@moose_chocolate: "Sobbing" autocorrected to "throbbing" and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction.
@thenatewolf: *Interrogation room w/ murderer* I'd start talking, my partner isn't so nice... *From under the table I raise a puppet dressed as a cop*