@ThinkingSavage: I see your 'swagger' and raise you my full-time job. Yeah.
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@PinkCamoTO: H: I think we should see other people. Me: Do I have to? I don't even really want to see you.
@TheRobCee: [Taylor Swift on toilet, going #2. Kanye jumps out of her shower] "Yo, Taylor- I'm really happy for you & I'm-a let you finish, but..."
@SteveSuckington: [blind date] "I'm like, really good at *looks on hand* making the sex" -did you just read that off your hand? "Hey! You're not blind!"