@Elizasoul80: "I see you've been eating whatever you want and not exercising." -Clothes
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@mobydong: Wearing a wig is probably worth the hassle for those moments when you get to dramatically pull it off your weary, tearful head.
@IamEveryDayPpl: I didn't mean to knock your toddler down at the mall today... I just wanted to be first on Santa's lap before he got peed on.
@envydatropic: *Plot Twist* Your dog loses his mind with excitement when you leave for work instead of when you get home.
@ElgatoEsmio: Mom said angels are watching over me I'm just afraid they're taking notes to make sure I go to hell.