@F5X11: I send flowers "From Steve" to my neighbors wife every Friday night, then watch them fight from my living room window while eating popcorn
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@Fred_Delicious: BREAKING: Pot calls kettle "black". "Racial tension at boiling point" says mayor of kitchen cupboard
@Smug_Lemur: A hammock is really cool until you try to get out of it. I'm going to have to live here now. Goodnight.
@XplodingUnicorn: [out to eat with in-laws] Me: Waiter, your cheapest bottle of champagne Wife: Hey these are my parents Me: Waiter, 4 glasses of tap water