@F5X11: I send flowers "From Steve" to my neighbors wife every Friday night, then watch them fight from my living room window while eating popcorn
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@Book_Krazy: Me: I'll take 'Marriage' for 800 Alex Alex: Having one wife too many Me: What is bigamy Alex: Nooo. We were looking for, what is monogamy
@MUMSIEesq: 3YO: MOMMY HELP HELP! ME *throws cat off lap, drops phone, spills coffee on self, runs up stairs, kicks open door* 3YO: I want a snack.
@o__0Dev: On average, a person has sex 86 times a year. Apparently, this is going to be one hell of a week.
@zdarsky: I want a SPIDERMAN GO app where I have to get pictures of spiderman for a furious j jonah jameson