@McNevich: I send thank you cards to people that don't invite me to their weddings
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@histwaddle: Two cans of Red Bull may give you x-ray vision, but five cans give you the ability to hear oxygen.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse.
@Token_Geezer: It hurts? That’s the body’s way of showing you it’s healing. It doesn’t hurt? That’s the body’s way of showing you it’s healing. - Doctors