@McNevich: I send thank you cards to people that don't invite me to their weddings
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@djdarrellripley: Her: Oh, you brought me flowers! Me: Yes, one of the many benefits of living next door to a graveyard...
@MoistPork: Just once, I'd ike a cop to pull me over and tell me how great I'm driving, especially considering I've had 12 beers.
@rolldiggity: INTERVIEWER: "How would you describe yourself?" ME: "Verbally, but I've also prepared a dance."
@LaziestCanine: Doctor: this might hurt a little bit Me: okay Doctor: i like you, but only as a friend