@ManiacallySound: I seruptitously flicked a booger on a guy who was being mean to his wife. If this is what being a sniper feels like, I like it.
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@1_swarthy_dude: [interview for waiter position] Manager: "So how experienced are you at carrying multiple plates?" Stegosaurus: "You're kidding me right?"
@DaddyJew: I just watched one kid call his twin brother ugly and now I'm just waiting for him to realize what that means
@FlyJ_: The best way to stop uninvited guests from stopping by your home is to always answer the door naked.
@5hael: This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies