@GrantTanaka: I set a rat trap last night & this morning the cheese was gone & there was a picture of my kids in it, what does this mean
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@Jermaine_Accram: My "15 minutes of fame" are when I get my paycheck and everyone I owe money comes to collect
@Jake_Vig: Someone just gave the agenda for the "third half" of our meeting. Guessing it won't involve fractions.
@slimmy_shady: Scientists claim that the Big Bang was the loudest noise that has ever occured in history. They obviously haven't met my kids.
@Rollinintheseat: Doctor's office: "Can you fax us your information?" Me: "Let me get a rock and chisel to write down your fax number."