@VerifiedDrunk: I set my alarm clock 15 minutes fast because I enjoy doing math problems first thing in the morning,
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@FuckabillyRex: "Sorry, I have to take this call." "That's a banana. And it's half eaten." *covers banana with hand "I don't tell you how to do business."
@Tmoney68: I think I'm finally becoming more mature. Now when I watch Spongebob I usually agree with Squidward.
@recoveringbapti: Be on the lookout for a armed psychic midget who just robbed a bank and got away....the police now have a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE!! ba dum dum
@OrvllShrednbchr: Quit my job a few years ago because my boss was an idiot. Now I'm self-employed. My boss is still an idiot.