@xLiserx: I sexually identify as a microwave dinner because I’m ready in 5 minutes but don’t look anything like my photos.
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@ItsAndyRyan: Producer: Any ideas? Bruce Willis: There are 4 elements, right? Producer: Go on... Bruce: What if there was a FIFTH element Producer: Great! What else? Bruce: You know there are five senses... Half an hour later Bruce: So what if there TWELVE monkeys?
@AimeeHelene1: If you ever see me wearing anything fur lined or faux fur, please punch the person I'm with in the face. I've been kidnapped & need saved!!
@JonBaker: [future] Kid: Grammar and spelling are stupid, dad! Why do I have to learn them anyway? Me: Internet arguments, mostly
@PhilJamesson: Husband Bear: Honey! I'm home! Wife Bear: For God's sake, would you at LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?