@Dutch_50: I sharpened all my kitchen knives today. Now I can't help but slice everything as if I'm in an infomercial.
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@hasht4g: Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because kids that eat Taco Bell can't climb, or run.
@mellimelle: In case anyone asks, we found these dead hookers while we were digging holes in the woods.
@margolundy: Please tell me the grounds around mental hospitals have walking trails called psychopaths running through them.
@ClaytonSykes: After buying toilet paper at Walgreens, the cashier said, "you'll need your receipt." I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life...