@Dutch_50: I sharpened all my kitchen knives today. Now I can't help but slice everything as if I'm in an infomercial.
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@3sunzzz: Fun Fact: If you answer your phone, "Christ speaking", 70% of the callers will hang up on you. You're welcome.
@samfromks: *Holds centipede up to your cheek as you're sleeping and whispers* Hey baby, the restraining order said a hundred feet...
@Smooheed: There's nothing quite like a pissed off toddler trying to make her point by angrily storming away on a ride on ladybug