@Dutch_50: I sharpened all my kitchen knives today. Now I can't help but slice everything as if I'm in an infomercial.
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@generaldietz: lifeguard: can you describe the thing that touched you? me: yea...it was like a wet wind chime made out of wieners lifeguard: a squid?
@SortaBad: Last month my mom asked what "af" meant and I said it meant "like REALLY something" without saying what it stood for
@VaguelyFunnyDan: I'm just sick of the mixed signals, babe. One second you're changing your phone number and the next you're filing a restraining order.
@alli_win: I'm convinced that Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.