@JulieSnark: "I shaved for this shit?" - All of us at one point in our lives.
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@lazerdoov: I wanna be rich enough to have 11 midgets who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast
@AmishPornStar1: Financial Tip: When laundering money, always separate the bills from the coins and use the delicate cycle with a gentle detergent.
@patnspankme: I haven't been this confused about what's going on since The Cranberries yodeled that one song about zombies.