@T_Bonezzz: I shook this magic 8-ball for some advice and now there's cocaine everywhere
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@EJGomez: this toddler on the bus said "the wheels on the bus go round & round" & this guy yelled back "no shit Sherlock" & I can't stop clapping?
@KeetPotato: [my dog lays down on my date's lap instead of mine] date: "i had a good time tonight" me: "i think you need to leave"
@Jeff_G_Nixon: "Ha-ha who me? Oh, I put ketchup on everything!" CAR SALESMAN: please stop putting ketchup on these Buicks.
@SCbchbum: Before sprinting towards the elevator, ask yourself, “Am I hot enough to make them hold the door?”