@clemdytan: I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
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@ParentNormal: VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year
@ChaseMit: Hey Chandler, wanna hang out with me, Phoebe and Monica later? We're going to the park to open and close umbrellas in a fountain.
@MattShiney: "The top of my toliet seat is uncomfortable to sit on. I want it to feel like my living room floor" - inventor of carpet toliet seat covers