@clemdytan: I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
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@Sassafrantz: Just found a new app that that tells you which one of your friends are boring. It's called Facebook.
@ThatsSarcasm: *Picking up my kid from school in 20 years* Me: Yo shawty leggo. Kid: Please no. Me: Stop hating YOLO. Kid: You're embarrassing. Me: Swag.
@behindyourback: If you're afraid of public speaking, just imagine everyone in the audience is on their phones not listening to you anyway.