@WowItsStephen: "I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy" is my favorite lyric about murdering law enforcement officials in moderation.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Everyone romanticizes the past until they get horribly sick and wake up covered in leeches.
@SteveSuckington: "Ok, hear me out. What if we gave people enough for three fries?" -guy who invented ketchup packets
@WiseguyPictures: Imagine how excruciating a conversation between Hodor, Groot, and Timmy from South Park would be.
@Bob_Janke: If you immediately tell new people you meet you're allergic to chocolate, you can eat all of their candy bars when they aren't looking.