@Tmoney68: I should have known my son was stealing from his road construction job, but every time I came home I guess I just ignored all the signs.
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@BigBBanter: Friend is going bungee jumping so I told him he was born because of a broken rubber and he could die the same way. He didn't laugh...
@DelanieFischer: One of my favorite things about Walmart: the impulse buy is no longer a breathmint, it's an entire rotisserie chicken.
@elle91: Accidentally taught my dog to play dad instead of play dead and now he won't stop barking at me when I try to touch the thermostat